Running on Empty

I walked out by the lake the other day and looked at the way the light played in the water. Refractions of sunlight hit the water, bounced off the waves, and kissed the rocks below, forming white, rippling bands that moved with the waves.

What am I doing with my life?

Having turned down the job at the troubled youth ranch, I wondered if I'd made a mistake. The job site was in a perfect location and provided a good salary. Somehow, I could not bring myself to work with troubled youth. Three things scared me off:

1. The long list of "forbidden slang words." Part of my job would have been policing the speech of the teens. But...I used some of those words, so I'd have to police my own speech.

2. The "troubled" aspect of it all. Driving around Havasu one cold evening in January, I'd heard a report on the news about a teen who severely hurt a teacher in Ohio. There's bad stuff going on in the world, and many of these kids minds aren't right. Would I love to be the one who inspires them on a right path? Of course! But, I'm not sure I have the internal strength to stand up to nonsensical violence.

3. A student at this particular ranch murdered a staff member a few years ago. The stakes in this kind of profession are high. I'm not sure a J-O-B is worth it.

So, I held out hope for the teaching job in Lake Havasu City. I'd completed two interviews. Having aced the first interview in late January, I had no worries going into the second interview with the 20-minute teaching demonstration. However, my demonstration went long. And...I used Ben Shapiro's new rap song as an example in the demonstration. And, the interviewers asked me to clarify my DEI statement about how "everyone should be respectful of others." Um...do unto others as you would have done unto you? In essence, I mentioned a right-wing talk show host and a biblical passage. Bad, bad, bad. Neither of those things are welcome in today's higher education setting.

I just found out I didn't get the job.

Am I sad?

Not really. I knew my second interview didn't go as well as the first. I'm trying to console myself with the fact it was a nationwide search. It seems everyone wants to retire in Lake Havasu City, so I'm pretty sure they had lots of applicants.

So now it's back to the drawing board.

With no career on the horizon, no money, and an RV that needs even more work (thermostat and fan clutch), it seems like I won't be getting ahead any time soon.

How can I get out of the RV and into a regular ground-based dwelling place? Or should I? Maybe I should continue to migrate with the seasons and work odd jobs. I'd appreciate your thoughts and comments. Feel free to message, text, or post below.