Amarillo Mañana

I know I haven't written in awhile. I've been battling a little bit of depression being in this dreadful place. With longer nights and little light filtering though my window, I've fallen victim to Seasonal Affective Disorder. It's something I knew I had as early as high school. I don't do so good in winter, which is why the last four years of migrating with the geese has been the best thing I ever did for myself.

But this year, I'm captive. Slave to the dollar and trying to get bureaucracy off my back. So, I work ostensibly long hours and just went on call over night, too. My sleep is not sweet in this place, and what little light penetrates my windows is an elusive grey. The bright part of my day is my 11 - 3 break where I get to disappear and am accountable to no one. For guests, it's "Be back at 3!" To my boss and co-workers, it's when I disappear and go run Buena.

Sometimes, I just find a spot on public land and then fall asleep in the back of my car in a patch of warm sunlight. I keep a twin mattress in the back. That way, I can adventure and car camp. (Don't worry....I still have the RV. It's undergoing some damage-control right now. I'll discuss that in a later post, when the work is done.)

I came to this place to write, to finish my book, but it's not working for me. The hours are aren't right. From 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. are my creative hours. Instead, I'm working the front desk, being polite, listening to everyone else's story, while yearning to tell my own. To write my adventures of these last four years. It's what I came here to do, but it's not happening.

Despite all that, I'm looking on the bright side.

Keep on the sunny side,

Always on the sunny side,

Keep on the sunny side of life.

The Lord has me here for a reason. I'm pulling my affairs in order, and I'm working around the clock.

I've also been able to take a few rambles and see some stuff. And....best of all, I'll get to see my kids at Christmas. I'll be traveling to St. Louis, and stopping in Kansas City on the way. (My one wish would be to have a complete and total family reunion in St. Louis, but I can't see how that would happen this year. The elders are getting frail, the cost of gas is high, and some people are afraid of covid.)

So this last month, while I've not written much, has been busy with work and some escape from Escalante. I work three weeks 24/7 and get one week off. It's a fair deal. Or, I can work 5 days and get 2 off, but two off will only get me within a couple hundred mile radius and one night of decent sleep. I like the week off.

I went back to Mexico in early November.

Then, in early December, I had two days off. I had bureaucratic business in Cedar City and decided to go for dinner at Texas Roadhouse in St. George. From there, I drove the two hours to get to Vegas and went to sleep at a hotel. I had a free night and wasn't ready to get back to Escalante.

I saw somewhere that Bob Dylan said something like whatever you do, don't bury me in Utah. I understand that. I'm putting it in writing so y'all know. Don't bury me in Utah. It's a good saying.

I'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers while I push forward through the darkness of solstice and the light of Christmas. My thoughts are with you. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my blog. Thank you.

God bless!

P.S -- I'm trying to learn Amarillo by Morning on ukulele. That's my solstice goal: to try to play that after winter. I'm also trying to make it through six Spanish lessons that are sooooooooo hard!